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MANAGING YOUR MARRIAGE

Even marriages made in heaven need to be managed.

I don’t think I’ve ever met a couple who didn’t spat–at least once in a while. No matter how much love you have for each other there will be times when your wants simply do not coincide.

When you think about it it’s amazing that any marriage works! Every new family created

by the marriage contains two people who were raised in different ways in different households that had different ways of doing everything from celebrating holidays to disciplining children.

Each partner has to figure out how to behave in a new role: spouse. We had to learn how to behave as a student and in our first job. Marriage is no different

Both partners have to learn how to solve problems together, how to negotiate, and how to maintain an individual identity in this new dyad, the married couple.

One school of thought holds that parents should never allow the kids to see or hear any marital discord. Talk about impossible goals! But even if parents could shield all their negative feelings and appear to agree all the time, they would be presenting a totally unrealistic view of marriage. Better that parents model for their children successful resolutions of the inevitable disagreements.

I use five “C” words to teach parents about what they need to grow and develop as parents. The same words can be used to help parents understand what is needed in marriage.

First of all you have to CARE about each other and you have to have a COMMITMENT to each other. You each need CONFIDENCE in your ability to make the relationship work which means you need confidence in yourself as a person. You need to develop and nourish COMMUNICATION. And finally, if you are ever “stuck” in the relationship and can’t change unpleasant or destructive interactions, you need COUNSELLING.

A marriage that works, that nourishes each person, and allows each person to grow is a treasure. To live in the home that houses such a marriage is the best gift you can give your

children. Their childhood will be happy and they will learn from your example how to make a marriage work.

For specific suggestions about how to fight right , see the ParenTip entitled PARENTS: LEARN TO FIGHT RIGHT! **

TELL YOUR FRIENDS THEY CAN GET A PROFESSIONAL, PERSONAL, AND PRIVATE ANSWER TO THEIR PARENTING QUESTIONS BY GOING TO info@ParentKidsRight.com